What defines a job well done? Is it when you are able to go home at 5am, finish your daily tasks, actually work for 8 hours, or getting a praise once in a while? Maybe it’s those big things like getting a raise or a promotion… but doesn’t that take too long? Where do you get your reward after that 8-5 madness?
Today was manic monday.
If I am to write something that I am grateful for it’s that you aren’t me.
But seriously, one good thing about to day is I think I’ve found why I’ve been so depressed last month. It’s because of my crazy month end deadline.
I’m not pinpointing any blame on anyone. I’m pin pointing a cause. And as I was crazily number crunching at 6pm when I was supposed to be walking home already, I was already making up lines as if I was passing my resignation to my boss. I was giving up.
Finally, at 8pm, I raised my white flag for the day. I went down the escalator totally deflated. I asked God, “Why?!!”
Where is the feeling of contentment, of victory that YES, I’m coming down the steps having conquered another stressful workday? And that’s when I realized how there was a lack of reward, how there was no drive, no blinding goal in this mundane work. I was unmotivated, unfocused.
Where do I get this then? How can I change the circumstance I’m at?
I refuse to resign just because of this. I am tougher and bigger than this. I am made of stronger things than I feel like I do now.
So maybe tomorrow I’ll try again.
This is unedited me, signing off.