Cancer Diaries: The Last Chapter

I wasn’t sure what mom meant earlier today.

Does one’s person’s pulse come and go?

I rubbed my eyes to wake myself up but then decided to nap on the table. I was so tired from yesternight’s overtime work but I still had so much to do. It was also payroll day today.

I sat up straight again and checked my phone.

“Pulse rate,” What does that mean?

I drafted a message after message for my mom. I didn’t know what it meant and what to say.

On the nth time, it finally hit me. The saddest news.

The rest of the hour was hazy. I assessed and reassesed today’s schedule. Then I got a call from my family.

My dad was crying, half of his face showing up on the screen. I saw my sister’s pillow hearing her or probably mom crying in the background. My mom… [cut]

When the call ended. I received this message from a guy I barely knew:

“I am with you. I am with you. I am with you.

The bells of heaven continually ring out this promise.

Some people never hear it, because they are so busy listening to the noise of this world. Others hear it only once or twice in their whole lives—in rare moments when they seek Me first. But I want My sheep—My children—to hear My promise all the time, because I am their ever-present Shepherd.”
—Jesus Calling for Kids by Sarah Young

“I am the good shepherd…My sheep know my voice, and I know them.”
—John 10:14, 27 (CEV)

I finally cried and gave in.

I only informed one person via chat and DK when he was surprised I was in my casual clothes. I have already prayed, read two devotions about death, took a bath and all.

It was, through this unexpected guy, through an unusual chat message that I heard God.




Truly, God works in His most wondrous beautiful ways.

Perhaps He knew I won’t talk to anybody. Perhaps He knew the impersonality of devotions found in the internet. Of course He knew.

Today, in one of the saddest days of our family, God showed just how much He cares for my business that He has customized how to approach me.

I am grateful for a God who knows me well and knows the perfect way to reach out to me when I could have been deaf or blind sided by the moment.

When the noise of this world is too loud, when you are so busy to listen, when others won’t hear, will you see that rare moment when God calls you and say “I am with you”?

I am the good shepherd…My sheep know my voice, and I know them.”
—John 10:14, 27 (CEV)


This was her last Christmas with us:

2 thoughts on “Cancer Diaries: The Last Chapter

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s