This is a post I made for Valentine’s Day. As most of my blogs go, they do not necessarily appear in chronological order and this one especially so.
I’m turning 28 next month and I am already counting to my 7th year of singleness. Yet here I am again in another state of brokenness and hurt. I thought I should’ve learned my lessons by now not to trust men in sheep’s clothing.
Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.
Song of Songs 2:15 NIV
I asked God last night why He allowed this to happen. I didn’t even want to date in the first place. I did this in obedience to Him as He has promised. He will guide me.
He will guide me into this wretched place? Is that what He meant?
I woke up this morning even worse.
I couldn’t read the Bible and so I was relying on YouTube videos to read Bible verses for me.
THE WHOLE ARMOR OF GOD
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints,
Ephesians 6:10-18 ESV
I was listening to song after song after song
For I know I was created
To be loved and overtaken
All consuming fire
Oh God You are an all-consuming fire
Set me ablaze
In your presence, I’m changed
Do It Again
Your promise still stands
Great is Your faithfulness, faithfulness
I’m still in Your hands
This is my confidence, You’ve never failed me yet
But still, I wonder, “Why Lord??!”
I am in such a state of anger, and bitterness and the rejection that happened to me hurts so much.
Rejection?!! Ikaw yung linigawan tapus ikaw ang nareject? Tama ba to?!!
My friends were asking me: Christian ba to? Nag lay down ba siya? Discipled ba siya?
I guess these requirements doesn’t validate for a successful Christian courtship.
Alam ko naman.
If you dissect the only two things in my non-negotiables, there is nothing wrong with it. And he passed those requirements.
I guess there are just some things I cannot answer right now.
I look unto God as I meditate today and I can say nothing more.
I let him comfort me as the fumes from my heart reach up to the heavens like a candle offered at the altar.
There is nothing left for me to do.
“Lord, I am broken and hurt. I blame You, I blame him, I even blame myself. But today Lord, I ask that you heal me as I surrender these shattered pieces of me. It’s not beautiful. It has no value. But this is the very situation of my heart.”
Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
Psalm 51:10, KJV
I OFFER THESE ALL TO YOU,
In Jesus’ name, I pray.
AMEN AND AMEN AND AMEN