Abound in love

I cried my heart out that day calling unto God on how unloved, unseen and unappreciated I was. Knowing full well I wasn’t seeing him in the next days, I typed out a well written, honest and sincere message to him about what I was feeling.

I received a sorry.

And then nothing.

Read on…

He’s not perfect. And so are you.

Lately, I have been learning a lot about relationships, myself (shortcomings, insecurities, jealous tendencies) and most of all the grace that abounds in love in this courtship God led me into.
Let’s talk about that first tampuhan we had: when I spent a week brooding about something and my friends gently prodding me to communicate clearly to him why I was making tampo

Not until a 2am Saturday conversation at Lugawan sa Tejeros did it finally hit me that not because I was initiating does it mean that I was taking on the role of the man. Instead, I was healthily dealing with an issue I had with a man who didn’t have the slightest clue (or did he? *sly smile) that something wicked was brewing in my heart.

So I went home. Sent an invite to him at day light and received a rejection notice.

Just like a normal woman would do (Yes, being a Christian woman does not equate to not having bouts of tantrums in a relationship), my already long list of his misgivings even tripled as I let his “I can’t” sink in.

I cried my heart out that day calling unto God on how unloved, unseen and unappreciated I was. Knowing full well I wasn’t seeing him in the next days, I typed out a well written, honest and sincere message to him about what I was feeling.

I received a sorry.

And then nothing.

Relationships are a mess. There is no perfect love story. Even the movies show some kind of conflict between the two lead roles. So this is perfectly normal, right?

Well, not to my overtly perfectionist fantasizing me.

I wanted him to be a prince charming who knew how to wiggle his way into my heart. I wanted to be showered with so much love and affection even The Bachelorette would be envious of. Most of all, I wanted to be pursued the way all the Christian books idealized how it was to be in the courtship stage.

But I thank God that even in the chaos of my mind, God’s grace and wisdom shone through my heart on Monday when he asked me out for lunch.

Being the avoidant that I was, I wanted not to seem him – probably forever – and from that, call the courtship over.

However, I found myself meeting him at the lobby, his shirt matching mine, trying not to laugh at his jokes and definitely not making any small talk. He was feverish last Sunday, he said. I stopped the urge to check his temperature and make body contact.

I tried to be as cold as I could over lunch even as I received a cute expensive gift as his way of making reprimands. I waited for him to bring up the topic I raised over text but he did not. I did not bring it up myself for fear of hurting him and even saying something like ending the courtship when really, I was just making tampo.

I am not perfect. My emotions get over me.

And he is not as well. As he whispered sorry to me on our way back to my office, I prayed to God that He leads us more and more as we journey through this unknown path called Courtship.

Nobody is perfect and no love story goes on like a fairytale.

Relationships need valued care and their is no greater caretaker than Our Father whose love so perfectly abounds. And if His love is in us, then His truth, love and grace will surely abound in all our relationships – may it be at work, with your family and friends or in this case, our courtship.

In every relationship, let Love abound.

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