Syempre, iniisip ko padin siya.
It’s never easy to reject a man especially if you have already established a relationship with him and your level of intimacy is growing deeper as you both consider the possibility of marriage within the boundaries of courtship.
But 2019 came and life happened and here I am, meal prepping for three meals for the coming week.
It’s been 47 hours since the D Day happened – 46 hours of not hearing from him.
My heart is still shattered as I looked at the metaphorical withered plant that held our many possibilities.
***yes, this is another scheduled post
And now, it’s been 49 hours. I opened my app blocker as I started my quiet time and realized I didn’t need to block my messages as I am not expecting any text from anyone now. It was just a matter of days before my phone’s coding would realize he’s not to be placed in the Favorites section anymore. Facebook will also stop placing him at the top of my contacts, feeds and stories. Soon, it will also remove him completely.
It will be three days from now when I will mostly likely see him, four days when I’ll be going home sitting besides an empty reserved seat, five days when I’ll attend a wedding without a date, six days to a beach outing besides another empty spot in the car – unless the dogs come and take his place.
I mourn for the possibility of us and of the chances you could have taken with me. But you chose to ignore me and decided to place me under the rug.
I cry because I wasn’t made to feel special enough. I wasn’t worthy to be pursued in a God honoring way – when you shouted to the world words of affirmation for someone else and hid me from the world.
And yet I live.
I live to tell this tale that I chose ME over the possibilities of us. That when I was made to feel less of who I am, I heard God telling me that I am so much more.
“Faye, my child, my daughter.. I see you. You are very special and dear to me and I love you so much! My love is far greater than anyone else in the world that noone could ever love you more. See these two hands? I have let my one and only Son die on the cross for you because I want you to experience my perfect love. “
But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
In the last 50 hours, every time I am reminded of this, I am washed anew.
Lamentations 3:22-23 English Standard Version (ESV)
22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;[a]
his mercies never come to an end;
23 they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
As I put myself to sleep tonight, I close my eyes and is still hopeful for the many possibilities God will bring in my dating life until His Best and I can finally meet at the altar and say our I Do’s.